Thinking of Japan

I cannot stop thinking about Japan and this horrible earthquake. I wake up thinking about it and I go to sleep thinking about it. It seems to be threaded through every minute of the last three days.

The main reason for my obsessive thinking is my brother Mervin. He is in the midst of all of the chaos as he works for the Fukushima nuclear reactor that has now exploded three times. Never in a million years would I have imagined something like this happening to someone in my family. Not only am I concerned for my brother but I am constantly overwhelmed with a sinking horrible feeling of sadness for the people of Japan. It reminds me of something I would see in a movie but worse. If I think too much about it I get sick to my stomach. And I know if I feel this way, the Japanese feel 100 times worse.

Natural disasters don't make any sense to me. I hate that they have to happen. I know they are inevitable and natural but I cannot wrap my head around it. The devastation is incredible. I read a news clip today that stated that Japan's crematoriums are at capacity and they are running out of body bags. This is such an extraordinary and unprecedented situation that one of the most prepared nations in the world cannot handle the devastation. That amazes me in the worst way.

And the craziest part is that the rest of the world keeps going on. And I don't think the world should stop, but it feels strange to be enjoying a meal or a movie and know that somewhere on the other side of the world there are people dying by the thousands and there is nothing significant that I can do to help.

Something that also seems pretty incredible to me is how calm the Japanese have remained. There is no looting, no crime, no panicking, just people working together to make it through.  I watched a clip tonight of a man at a shelter who was given a bowl and then realized an elderly man was not going to get fed and he gave his entire portion to this man. These people respect each other which is so important in a time of crisis.

I hope that Mervin can get home quickly and safely. And my heart goes out to everyone affected by this horrible disaster.

It's all happening!

It's all happening....

The waiting game is over!!! well, for the most part.

Last week was probably one of the most stressful yet best weeks of my life. I got an acceptance e-mail from University of Colorado in Boulder on Tuesday and flew out to Berkeley for the Backroads interview on Wednesday. The interview was intense and long, but such a fun day. The hiring event started at 8:30 am with a meet and greet in the courtyard and then they had us all sit in what they call the garage and each person had to stand up and talk about themselves for two minutes. There were about 45 candidates there between the ages of about 22 and 35. It was extremely entertaining and good to see that I wasn't the only nervous one and that these people were coming from all different types of places. For the most part these people had pretty amazing public speaking skills and were well traveled and well educated. It also seemed like every single person knew at least three languages, except me.

After the introductions we were split into groups for some ice breakers and situational questions asked by our two leaders Linda Cassell and Matt Fletcher. They were both great. They automatically put me at ease. Then we had lunch but were told that we would be interrupted by some of the Backroads staff pretending like they were guests with an issue or to be language tested. That part was fine, but I botched the language testing. After everyone finished we split back into our groups for the public speaking part. I was pretty nervous about that but it ended up being fine. I am sure I stumbled a bit, but don't remember much about it. I tend to black those sort of moments out. Then the day wrapped up around 4:30 with a video about the leader lifestyle and a little bit of time for us to ask questions.

I had a good feeling at the end of it all but still wasn't positive that I would be offered the position. The next day, as I was making my way on the BART to the San Francisco airport I got a voicemail from Linda Cassell at Backroads. She asked me to call her back as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I was in the security line for the longest time and was about to miss my plane so I had to wait for what seemed like forever to call her back. I finally called her back and she said she had some news that would hopefully make my flight back to Austin a bit more enjoyable. They wanted me as a Trip Leader at Backroads!!!!!!!! I don't think I have felt that giddy in a long long time. I couldn't stop smiling and I wanted to scream but knew that was probably not kosher in an international airport. So I refrained and texted everyone I knew instead. It was the best feeling in the world. Especially after how long I have waited for this.

So now....the big decision. If I could wave my wand I would defer Grad School for one year and work for Backroads for two seasons. However, I am not sure that Boulder will let me defer which means that this could potentially be one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. My heart is with Backroads 100% but I know that Grad School is real life and is probably something I should take advantage of while I can and have the chance to. But I just do not think I can pass up an opportunity like Backroads. The people, the experiences, the travel....this isn't an everyday job that people get offered all the time. I find out tomorrow after I talk to the director of admissions at Boulder. I am thinking positively and really hope this works out, but if it doesn't I still have some great options.

I guess I can say that I am now a firm believer in the saying that hard work pays off. I worked my ass off this winter and made a ton of sacrifices and in the end it all worked out. I am so excited about this next year and hope that whatever I decide is the right choice for me.